(From a disagreement I just had … )
You should understand by now why I get so concerned about finding somebody that I’m compatable with… I don’t think like normal people.
Somebody can ask me a question and in my mind I play out multiple circumstances in my mind before answering, people often disagree with my answers and I’ll question some of the examples in my mind which lead to my decision. You said I was manipulating the conversation … I was trying to find the (root/most basic point) of your (question/argument) which people interperet as me trying to always have the last say. There is actually a psychological profile on what kind of person I am … I read up about it a while back there is also a bipolar opposite to what I am and in simple example it’s this; I’m the type to question myself too much and often fail or choose the wrong answer because of doubt from those extra questions I ask myself. The opposite like my friend Chris who is an honour student because he is certain of the answers he chooses … Everything I think is overcomplicated or hazy in my judgements.
It’s this reason why I feel so alone in this world, people don’t truly understand my mind and how it works even when they know what you know now from this message or my personality … There is never a simple answer for me.
I wish I wasn’t this way but I can’t change who I am or the way my mind processes things, whether or not I’m filled with doubts and further questions it’s out of my control unless I choose to lie and agree for the sake of agreeing and choosing not to have further questions … But for what? To make other people happy because I tell them what they want to hear? To pretend I understand when I still have my doubts? Without saying which I’ll do anyway is that I over explain things not to bend people to my will, instead it’s merely me trying to reach a mutual understanding … If every time questions came to mind and I asked every question and emotion I’m having we’d stray and eventually forget the first question.
Fuck my life,